Thursday’s Problematic Thoughts

I really like how the red door stands out. See photos below for location.

With today’s technology, information is at our fingertips.  I can easily read several translations of Bible passages I am studying.  And I Google words…like prodigal.  Since childhood, I thought the prodigal son was the one who ran away.  Turns out, he didn’t just run away.  He was wasteful, reckless, and uncontrolled.  

Luke 15:17 tells us the prodigal son “came to himself” while lusting after the pig’s food and he remembered that the hired hands in his dad’s house ate a lot better than he had been eating. 

I’m still waiting for the day I come to myself.  Not only am I prone to be prodigal with myself, my time, my health, and my thoughts, I desperately need to come to myself in the sense of being a child of God; I need to act like that’s who I am….not because of who I am, but because of who HE is.  Be righteous because He is righteous.  (1 John 3:6-8)  

The problem is…and this is hard for me to talk about because I like to act like I have it all together… but I sometimes feel quite misplaced.  Not lost, but in the Kingdom of God, I feel that I don’t really know what my “thing” is.  At times, I feel even more misplaced in my daily life.  And it’s hard for me to feel loved.  It’s not something I can explain, but I finally did realize (well into adulthood) that people do like me.  Some of them anyway.  Not feeling loved is a pretty lonely thing, and I have no reason for why it is so hard for me.  Those inadequacies easily carry over into my relationship with Christ.

There are days I feel ignored by God.  Do you ever feel that way?  When I am feeling overlooked, I look around at all the ways I am blessed by Him, and I remember that He may not always answer me how I want to be answered, but He is always faithful, even in the face of my faithlessness.  I typed a lot more to this post…but I have edited, deleted, rewritten, and spent way more than five minutes writing these 390 words. 

Guess Where?
Historic downtown Morristown, Tennessee, with their overhead sidewalks.


Categories: Confessions, Hook Ups, Musings

5 replies

  1. Powerful. And I’m sorry to say that I relate completely. The constant refrain of my life is, “I don’t fit in anywhere.” Misplaced. A good word. And now it’s made me cry. sighhh.

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    • Deb, I’m glad I deleted some of what I wrote. We’d both be crying. I really didn’t have this in mind when I started writing…I had something completely different in mind. Funny how that works.

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  2. Such a pretty area to explore there in Tennessee! You do take very good pictures; i hope you know that. I think you wrote words that a lot of us relate to. It would be interesting to go back and see if you can figure out why you don’t feel loved. Something happen early on that made you get that attitude and put up those defenses? I do know you had “issues” with I think your 1st grade teacher. But it seems to me like you came from a very loving family. I woke up in the middle of the night last night and was thinking about something with church and thinking “I’ll never fit in there.” And sadly I thought “I won’t even try to because I know it will be a failure like before” though I do know some like me. Maybe we both better stop believing the lies of the enemy and start believing the truth of how precious we are in God’s eyes.

    betty

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    • Sometimes even no matter how much I’m believing I’m loved, I still don’t fit in! lol It’s not always a bad thing…in fact, I guess I’ve never thought of not fitting in as being a failure…I always saved that for failed diets, lo! As I matured in Christ I also realized the reason I didn’t fit in at the bars and places like that. That hedge of protection that had been so well prayed around me. I have a great family, Betty, that’s for sure. But that doesn’t stop the devil from convincing you that you just don’t measure up.

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