Ding Dang Diets I haven’t been counting my Weight Watchers points lately because I’ve grown weary with noting every morsel that goes into my pie-hole. (And there’s been more than one Amish fried pie in there!) Anyone watching me these days may well notice the evidence of my preference to eat rather than count as the smaller britches I bought late last summer are now my Maypops. They may pop anytime.
Ding Dang Dawn of the Day I gave myself a pep talk this morning at 4 a.m. when I was forced out of bed by a bladder begging for relief. I looked into the bathroom mirror. A 4 a.m. face is frightful! “Do I really want to keep gaining weight?” I asked myself. “Why, no! No, I don’t!” I answered. I resolved to not start off my day with Jack’s yummy, buttery biscuits, a plan I’d made when I got into bed last night. By the time I arrived at work, I had indeed eaten a Jack’s breakfast. Then, when I got to the office, a donut called my name…one of those Krispy Kreme fried devil biscuits, chocolate covered with sprinkles. Yes, I did!
Ding Dang Dining As a side note…often at the Jack’s near my house, you order what you want, you pay for what you ordered, then you get what they give you. Today, they did well. But I digress.
Ding Dang, Ding Dang! Now…it’s Thursday. I can’t start a better way of eating on Friday! It might be a law, I don’t know. But I don’t want to binge all weekend, either. Well, I do want to. I just don’t want the consequences of it.
Ding Dang Choices! I have a tight relationship with bad choices…and it’s not just food…but those are stories for another day.
(I can’t “ding-dang” a devotional. It’s too ding dang important.) I should write seven-day devotional of sorts, covering personal choices, free will, and relationship with our Creator. It would be about picking up and moving on toward a better life, no matter how many steps back you’ve (I’ve) taken.
That’s the ding dang plan. If I write the devotional, I’ll share it some day.
Today begins a month-long commitment of no restaurant food. (Lord Jesus, please help!) I’d also like to commit to a beginner’s walking routine (notice my loop holes “I’d like to” and “beginner’s”). Obviously, I am not as resolute to walking as I am to staying out of restaurants.
Why no restaurants? I’m glad you were wondering because I wanted to talk about it! Aside from the whole “it’s not all that healthy for me,” there’s the truth: I tend to reward myself for acting like a normal human with a normal appetite through the week by eating out on the weekend. No matter how well-intentioned my plans are, I make the choice to overeat every weekend. Maybe not in the first restaurant, but certainly by the second or third one.
Oh. I didn’t mention that I like to eat out a lot? That is one of the reasons I say, “Lord Jesus, help!” After all the bad choices in the restaurants, I then do something really senseless, I think, “Well, as long as I’ve already overeaten, I may as well have some…” And everything that follows that line of thinking truly is always a choice.
Let me back up. After a tumble in a mountainside creek (and issues getting up) last October, I started Weight Watchers. By February, I’d lost 50 pounds. Then unexpectedly, my mom died and I got on a 10 pound roller coaster losing and regaining the same 5-10 pounds…repeatedly. While my precious mother’s death is the best excuse I’ve ever had to overeat, it is ultimately still just an excuse for my choices.
Let me back up even further. Over the years, I begged God for freedom not realizing that as a child of God, I always had that freedom. But I also had a free will. Then there’s that whole reaping and sowing thing, and it all makes a full circle back to choices. Yes, indeedy-doody. Choices. Reaping and sowing. If I choose to eat an abundance of sugar-laden food, then I’m going to face some pretty intense cravings that nothing will satisfy. If I choose the food, I chose the cravings. If I keep eating, you guessed it…that is still a choice. Hard as it may be to not give into it, that blood bought choice is undeniably mine.
Did you know that as long as you believe you are a slave to sin (gluttony, that is) you just cannot walk in the freedom purchased by blood on a gruesome cross so many years ago? Until you (by you, I mean me) take full responsibility for your (my) choices, we remain on that not so merry merry-go-round. You know what happens when you go round and round too many times? You get a little sick, don’t you?
So, there we have it, it’s those ding dang choices! I don’t always like responsibility, and making better choices for myself is definitely my responsibility. I favor the path of least resistance, but I made the choice for the month of June to remove a weekend obstacle and get past this 50 pound marker where I have been stalled since February 7.
That is all. Carry on with your own healthy choices!
When Waylon Jennings and Johnny Cash sang, “There ain’t no good in an evil-hearted woman…” they may have been singing about me.
On the outside, I’d like to think I look like I’m at peace with the world, just a nice lady minding my own business. Inside, I’m a complaining mess, critical of everything and everybody. I cannot pinpoint exactly where the problem began, but there was a breach in my armor that I didn’t quickly repair, and a tiny crack is all the enemy of my soul needs…a crack that possibly started with a little bit of gossip where I listened and perhaps added my two cents worth? Maybe that exaggeration I didn’t correct? It very well could have been that video I watched that I had no business watching…which led to me watching another one, and yet one more before I finally said, “I shouldn’t be watching this.” Or did that door open when I gave in to my old enemy, gluttony, with all its baggage?
I’m confessing that I did all of these things. Not that any of my actions were dastardly deeds, but it wasn’t long until I found my thought processes out of balance, my mood off-kilter, my happiness depleted, and my peace gone.
Gluttony, though! That’s a sneaky one because it has attachments. It is not the fact that we overeat during a meal, or even for a whole day, it’s the attitude that follows it. Even though Jesus is not condemning us, we do not hesitate to put ourselves under condemnation. We begin to wallow in guilt, forgetting that we don’t succeed in our own strength, but by His grace and with His help. When we make our lives about our weight, not only will we not have lasting weight loss, we’ll be in a constant struggle, riding an emotional roller coaster centered on food.
But this post isn’t about gluttony. It’s about what to do when you find yourself in a place you didn’t mean to go, where you don’t want to be, and how to get out of the ditch in which you’ve landed before you find yourself in the pit. You know you’re in a ditch when you find yourself complaining (even mentally) about everything. I know I’m there when I silently make snide remarks to people near me who are shopping, talking, working, just living their lives. Dark thoughts don’t stop with just what we think. Our actions will follow. Sometimes, unfortunately, I make those ugly comments out loud, not caring if I’m overheard! While traveling about town, the other drivers can’t hear me, but God does. Time spent complaining is a complete waste of precious time, and it makes a bad attitude a really bad attitude. And things can get quite serious if depression decides to follow, which it often does because the seeds are sown and the environment is inviting.
Proverbs 4:23 Carefully guard your thoughts, because they are the source of true life. (CEV) Above all lease, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. (NIV)
When I find my thoughts dark and scattered, it’s important to take control right away. Sometimes, however, I want to continue a mental conversation with people I have already chosen to forgive, but there I am…letting them have space in my head, converstating those things I didn’t say but apparently still want to.
I made up the word “converstating.” It means having a one-sided conversation in my head, stating all those things my flesh wants to say, but my heart knows I shouldn’t. Don’t converstate! It is rooted in anger, which is rooted in unforgiveness, which has roots of bitterness. It’s not a good thing.
Unforgiveness, by the way, is sneakier than gluttony, and it will slap you around harder than a piece of cheesecake and all the guilt that tries to follow it.
Confession: As it so often is, just when you think you have it all figured out and what to do to make things better, something happens that piles on top of all you are already feeling. For me this morning, I realize I am even more angry at a person I love very much than I thought I was yesterday. And I have been converstating a lot this a.m. Taking my own advice that follows is like swallowing bad medicine, because I’d really rather hold on to my anger for a while longer than let it go. I have a very active brain. I am always thinking, usually with several thought processes going at once. When negativity (caused by things like anger) is allowed to get out of control, it scurries about in my head dominating every choice I make, including what I might say to others. Words are important and should always be chosen wisely.
Hyacinth Macaws (Nashville Zoo)
Hard as it can be at times to stop and refocus, that’s the
only choice we have other than choosing to continue in the darkness. And we do choose that path if we continue
traveling it when we recognize we are there.
Take a deep breath, hold for 4 seconds, release slowly, repeat until you remember that you are in control, that you command the direction of your thoughts and not the darkness. Next, repent. This is not just “I’m sorry, Lord,” though it does include that. Repentance is choosing the right way over the wrong path (meaning I must let go of the anger and allow Him to work His will instead of mine). Admittedly, it is hard to change your ways/mind/path when you think the person who contributed to your dilemma should change a bit, as well.
A really good way I have found to gain control of the chaos in my head is to simply begin counting my blessings, out loud when I can. I start with the simple things, “I’m thankful for my eyeglasses that help me see clearly. I’m thankful for flowers, green trees, fall colors, and purple. Thank You, Lord, for my family, my home, my car, my job.” As I adopt this attitude of thanksgiving, I begin to think of the more important things, “Thank You, Lord, for the cross, for salvation, for still loving me when I am unloveable; for protection, for Your goodness, Your faithfulness in the face of my unfaithfulness and faithlessness. Thank You for being completely trustworthy. Thank You for patience and long-suffering, for I am aware that I am desperately needy in both of these areas.”
You get the picture. It’s hard to remain in a dark place with so much light infiltrating the darkness with thankfulness. Put your trust in Him no matter the turmoil around you over which you have no control, but He has all control. There is great comfort in that. He is our peace giver even when the storm is raging, and when we are at the lowest point in our lives.
This post is already over 1000 words, I had a few more things to say, but that can wait until another day. Just remember it only takes a few moments to refocus when you are in the midst of an inner struggle. I may be doing this more than one time today.
Just in case you haven’t heard the Waylon/Johnny song I referenced above:
I spent a few days in Fort Walton Beach, Florida last week. I’m not usually a beach lover, I tend to be a mountain girl, but who doesn’t like the roar of the ocean, the birds, and the beautiful sunsets and sun rises every now and then? As I was editing the photos for this blog, what I remembered most about the sunset was all the time I spent snapping pictures, instead of sitting back to enjoy the disappearing sun and the sound of the waves. Like the time I spent trying to get the perfect image, I realized that I’d spent a lot of my life trying to accomplish something for the future, but not enjoying life right now. It’s a little phenomenon I call living in the future. For me, it is all the time I wasted trying lose weight believing that next year, when I’ve reached my weight loss goal, I’ll do this, or go there, or go see my old friend who I’ve avoided because I didn’t like my weight. True friends wouldn’t care about my size!
Gulls in the sand
Around a year ago, I had a profound experience where God began to answer my years of prayers for freedom. I have learned so much since then. Some of it has been some hard lessons about choices, habits, personal responsibility, and change. Change often involves a bit of crucifying of self, and that, my friends, is difficult and painful.
Sand weeds (I have no idea what they might be called.)
Something I was reminded of in Florida is just how easy it is to slip back into old habits. They are so welcoming and comfortable! The more I learn about freedom, the more aware I become of my personal responsibility and my choices. I went to the beach without a plan in place, and I acted just like a girl without a plan. I didn’t weigh this morning…my scales are broken. Thankfully! If I can’t prove I’ve gained any weight, it must not be true, right? No? :::Oh::: Once while discussing weight loss with a friend, I argued freedom didn’t include a diet plan. She quoted the scripture, “Without a vision (plan), the people perish.” I countered that our hope wasn’t in a diet, but in Him. We may have both been right. We do need a plan. The plan needs to include a complete power exchange. Instead of letting bad habits have the control, we take control of our habits. Bad habits don’t change themselves, and they don’t let go of us easily. That’s where God’s beautiful grace comes in.
This view is five floors up, and it is my favorite memory of the trip. I spent some quality time with God here, looking out over the ocean.
I’m not saying you should ditch your diet plan. But if you have repeatedly lost weight and regained it using the same plan, it’s not working for you. If it was, you (and I) would be thin by now. Getting to know your appetite, pinpointing your bad habits, and figuring out which good habits to replace them with takes patience and perseverance. It is a process, but once the power exchange has taken place, it is no longer a struggle. You really are in control, not your appetite, no matter what your appetite is yelling at you. Over the next few months, I’m going to be working on Habit Builders like the ones below. I sure hope you join me. Five for Five. Five good habit for five days….the first one should always include God.
The Emerald Coast water tower in the distance
Five for Five Suggestions:
Give a sincere, head bowed, eyes closed blessing over your food, not just a quick “Thank you, Lord,” as you pop the first bite in your mouth. Take a moment of true gratitude. Not everyone has something to eat today.
Start off with smaller portions.
Slow down! Chew more. Put that fork down between bites.
Remind yourself often, “I am not a glutton. I am free from the chains of sin because of the cross of Jesus Christ.”
No sugar (cookies, cakes, candy)
No junk food (chips, colas, snack crackers, etc.)
Choose to not be a glutton…which is a LOT easier with no sugar and no junk food.
Read scripture every day, even if it is just one Psalm or one chapter in Proverbs. (This should be a life-long commitment, even if you are extremely busy, or on vacation, or whatever.) If you are going to skip something, skip a meal, not Scripture.
In Quest of Truth 