I really like how the red door stands out. See photos below for location.
With today’s technology, information
is at our fingertips. I can easily read
several translations of Bible passages I am studying. And I Google words…like prodigal. Since childhood, I thought the prodigal son
was the one who ran away. Turns out, he
didn’t just run away. He was wasteful,
reckless, and uncontrolled.
Luke 15:17 tells us the
prodigal son “came to himself” while lusting after the pig’s food and he
remembered that the hired hands in his dad’s house ate a lot better than he had
been eating.
I’m still waiting for the day I come to myself. Not only am I prone to be prodigal with myself, my time, my health, and my thoughts, I desperately need to come to myself in the sense of being a child of God; I need to act like that’s who I am….not because of who I am, but because of who HE is. Be righteous because He is righteous. (1 John 3:6-8)
The problem is…and this is hard for me to talk about because I like to act like I have it all together… but I sometimes feel quite misplaced. Not lost, but in the Kingdom of God, I feel that I don’t really know what my “thing” is. At times, I feel even more misplaced in my daily life. And it’s hard for me to feel loved. It’s not something I can explain, but I finally did realize (well into adulthood) that people do like me. Some of them anyway. Not feeling loved is a pretty lonely thing, and I have no reason for why it is so hard for me. Those inadequacies easily carry over into my relationship with Christ.
There are days I feel ignored by God. Do you ever feel that way? When I am feeling overlooked, I look around at all the ways I am blessed by Him, and I remember that He may not always answer me how I want to be answered, but He is always faithful, even in the face of my faithlessness.
Guess Where?Historic downtown Morristown, Tennessee, with their overhead sidewalks.
When Waylon Jennings and Johnny Cash sang, “There ain’t no good in an evil-hearted woman…” they may have been singing about me.
On the outside, I’d like to think I look like I’m at peace with the world, just a nice lady minding my own business. Inside, I’m a complaining mess, critical of everything and everybody. I cannot pinpoint exactly where the problem began, but there was a breach in my armor that I didn’t quickly repair, and a tiny crack is all the enemy of my soul needs…a crack that possibly started with a little bit of gossip where I listened and perhaps added my two cents worth? Maybe that exaggeration I didn’t correct? It very well could have been that video I watched that I had no business watching…which led to me watching another one, and yet one more before I finally said, “I shouldn’t be watching this.” Or did that door open when I gave in to my old enemy, gluttony, with all its baggage?
I’m confessing that I did all of these things. Not that any of my actions were dastardly deeds, but it wasn’t long until I found my thought processes out of balance, my mood off-kilter, my happiness depleted, and my peace gone.
Gluttony, though! That’s a sneaky one because it has attachments. It is not the fact that we overeat during a meal, or even for a whole day, it’s the attitude that follows it. Even though Jesus is not condemning us, we do not hesitate to put ourselves under condemnation. We begin to wallow in guilt, forgetting that we don’t succeed in our own strength, but by His grace and with His help. When we make our lives about our weight, not only will we not have lasting weight loss, we’ll be in a constant struggle, riding an emotional roller coaster centered on food.
But this post isn’t about gluttony. It’s about what to do when you find yourself in a place you didn’t mean to go, where you don’t want to be, and how to get out of the ditch in which you’ve landed before you find yourself in the pit. You know you’re in a ditch when you find yourself complaining (even mentally) about everything. I know I’m there when I silently make snide remarks to people near me who are shopping, talking, working, just living their lives. Dark thoughts don’t stop with just what we think. Our actions will follow. Sometimes, unfortunately, I make those ugly comments out loud, not caring if I’m overheard! While traveling about town, the other drivers can’t hear me, but God does. Time spent complaining is a complete waste of precious time, and it makes a bad attitude a really bad attitude. And things can get quite serious if depression decides to follow, which it often does because the seeds are sown and the environment is inviting.
Proverbs 4:23 Carefully guard your thoughts, because they are the source of true life. (CEV) Above all lease, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. (NIV)
When I find my thoughts dark and scattered, it’s important to take control right away. Sometimes, however, I want to continue a mental conversation with people I have already chosen to forgive, but there I am…letting them have space in my head, converstating those things I didn’t say but apparently still want to.
I made up the word “converstating.” It means having a one-sided conversation in my head, stating all those things my flesh wants to say, but my heart knows I shouldn’t. Don’t converstate! It is rooted in anger, which is rooted in unforgiveness, which has roots of bitterness. It’s not a good thing.
Unforgiveness, by the way, is sneakier than gluttony, and it will slap you around harder than a piece of cheesecake and all the guilt that tries to follow it.
Confession: As it so often is, just when you think you have it all figured out and what to do to make things better, something happens that piles on top of all you are already feeling. For me this morning, I realize I am even more angry at a person I love very much than I thought I was yesterday. And I have been converstating a lot this a.m. Taking my own advice that follows is like swallowing bad medicine, because I’d really rather hold on to my anger for a while longer than let it go. I have a very active brain. I am always thinking, usually with several thought processes going at once. When negativity (caused by things like anger) is allowed to get out of control, it scurries about in my head dominating every choice I make, including what I might say to others. Words are important and should always be chosen wisely.
Hyacinth Macaws (Nashville Zoo)
Hard as it can be at times to stop and refocus, that’s the
only choice we have other than choosing to continue in the darkness. And we do choose that path if we continue
traveling it when we recognize we are there.
Take a deep breath, hold for 4 seconds, release slowly, repeat until you remember that you are in control, that you command the direction of your thoughts and not the darkness. Next, repent. This is not just “I’m sorry, Lord,” though it does include that. Repentance is choosing the right way over the wrong path (meaning I must let go of the anger and allow Him to work His will instead of mine). Admittedly, it is hard to change your ways/mind/path when you think the person who contributed to your dilemma should change a bit, as well.
A really good way I have found to gain control of the chaos in my head is to simply begin counting my blessings, out loud when I can. I start with the simple things, “I’m thankful for my eyeglasses that help me see clearly. I’m thankful for flowers, green trees, fall colors, and purple. Thank You, Lord, for my family, my home, my car, my job.” As I adopt this attitude of thanksgiving, I begin to think of the more important things, “Thank You, Lord, for the cross, for salvation, for still loving me when I am unloveable; for protection, for Your goodness, Your faithfulness in the face of my unfaithfulness and faithlessness. Thank You for being completely trustworthy. Thank You for patience and long-suffering, for I am aware that I am desperately needy in both of these areas.”
You get the picture. It’s hard to remain in a dark place with so much light infiltrating the darkness with thankfulness. Put your trust in Him no matter the turmoil around you over which you have no control, but He has all control. There is great comfort in that. He is our peace giver even when the storm is raging, and when we are at the lowest point in our lives.
This post is already over 1000 words, I had a few more things to say, but that can wait until another day. Just remember it only takes a few moments to refocus when you are in the midst of an inner struggle. I may be doing this more than one time today.
Just in case you haven’t heard the Waylon/Johnny song I referenced above:
I feel mighty misplaced some days. Not lost, mind you; God always knows where I
am! But the world’s pollution sometimes
distracts me so until I am doing nothing of any significance. Admittedly, I allow myself to get caught up
in the schemes of the enemy to interrupt, and he doesn’t have to do too much
work to sidetrack me.
I’ve learned to say “No” to others when needed for the most part. It is to my own self I have a hard time saying, “Nope, you aren’t going to do that today.” Things like overeating, complaining, judging others (usually mentally, but God still hears it), and wasting time.
I do know how to waste precious time! Did you ever sit down at the computer or pick up your phone to do a quick glance at Social Media, and two hours and seven videos later, you’ve heard things you shouldn’t have heard, read things you shouldn’t have read, commented things you shouldn’t have typed, shared silly memes, and gotten irritated at a friend’s political post that bordered on insanity? Then you realize how much time has gotten away…again…
Or is that just me?
After working all day and doing the other things that life
and the day demands of us, it’s easy to lose our place. It’s a lot easier to do mindless things like
scroll through social media or watch television instead of finding quiet time
to be alone with God to commune heart to heart, spirit to spirit. When we don’t make the sacrifice of time, we’ll
find ourselves misplaced.
God’s plan is infinitely better than any idea I can conjure up, and His place for me has real purpose. If I want His will fulfilled in my life…and I do…then I simply must remember that my part is important, and I need to do what I need to do (and give up what I need to give up) to get in place.
For the last six years, I have shared a Word of the Year. Last year, it was “New,” and God did do a new thing for me, something I will be sharing in the days to come.
The word for 2019 is “Stewardship.” A few weeks ago as I was praying for strength and wisdom to become a better steward of all that God has given me, it occurred to me that I should use it as the Word of the Year. Then suddenly, I was hearing and seeing the word everywhere. The preacher mentioned it…I heard it on a video, I read it on some obscure post somewhere. Funny how confirmation works, isn’t it?
In the past, my words of the year, I felt, were mostly for me.
This one, I believe, is for all of us.
You may be wondering about the scripture choice for the word “Stewardship.” My other choice was Matthew 6:33 “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” I chose “Seek My face” because it is more personal…to seek His face is to seek the very presence of God. If we are in His presence, we are going to be aware of His goodness, and we will strive to be good stewards of all He gives us. In His presence, we will want more of Him and less of ourselves. Its funny the things we will try to hold on to….I suppose that’s a whole post to itself.
What is an area where you could be a better steward in 2019? It is easy to take for granted all His blessings when we’ve had them all of our lives, never having to be without modern conveniences. I try to remember to be grateful for simple things, something I’ve come to realize with age is that not everyone can get up out a nice comfortable bed every morning, go take a hot shower, toss wrinkled clothes in a dryer, go to a job they love…I can’t help but wonderful if thankfulness and stewardship go hand in hand.
Are we good stewards of His love? Do we share the Love of the Father with those who have fallen, or do we pass judgment? Do we help others when we can? What about when it’s a little inconvenient?
Are we good stewards of the freedoms He has provided? We live in a country where we can openly read the Bible, go to church, pray, all without fear. Every now and then, we may have to put up with some snide remarks or an insult for our faith…but, so?
Last year, I read the Bible through. It wasn’t the first time I did it, but it was the first time I really tried to take the time to understand more about what I was reading. I used two and sometimes three versions to help me understand the more difficult passages. This year, I plan to try harder to understand what I’m reading.
Have you ever heard that reading the Bible is life-changing? It really is. In July of 2017, I made up my mind to endeavor to not miss a day of reading at least some scripture, even if it was just one short chapter. It wasn’t until just over a year later that I realized that, indeed, He was doing a work in me. I have so much to tell you!
For now, I want to tell you…to implore you…read the Bible. Every day. You don’t have to read it through in a year, though at least once in your life, you should do that! Just read it. Start with Psalms. Or Genesis. Jonah, Ruth, Esther, Proverbs…all are interesting books! Or any of the New Testament books. Just read!
When you come across a verse that speaks to you,
underline it, reread it, memorize it!
Be a good steward of all I am given, be aware of His goodness. Be grateful for His blessings, every day. These are my goals for 2019. Seek His face, His presence. Seek him first.
Click HERE for previous “Word of the Year” graphics.
In Quest of Truth 