In January, 2018, I joined several other members of my church on a reading plan to read the Bible through in a year. I decided I would really try to understand what I was reading, unlike the other two times I had read it through with the purpose of reading it all in a year. I studied the notes, and if needed, I would look at two or three different versions until I felt I had a decent grasp on what the Lord was saying.
I was still on the same path of weight loss/regain. Obesity is a heartbreaking plight. I hope you never look at a person who is self-destructing with food, or any other addiction, and think it’s all their fault, just a lack of will power, or that they just don’t care about themselves. They feel helpless and powerless, and they know normal people truly can’t understand. Pray for those people, that is the very best way you can help them.
In late summer, 2018, when I was experiencing a “need to feed,” an overwhelming urge to eat even though that’s all I had done all day, I would stop what I was doing and say, “This is what I want gone, Lord. This feeling right here. Please deliver me from this!”
One day in early October, I was driving home from work, talking to God like I often do, I was being interrupted by my thoughts of food, and again I told Jesus, “This is what I want deliverance from!” as I touched my head and then my stomach. At that point, the Holy Spirit began to pray for me, and even though I was near my home, I kept driving, letting Him pray for me.
A few nights after that, I had a vivid dream of a big, black rat in my purse. I was going to take my purse outside to get rid of the rat, but as I reached for it, the rat came out again, so I grabbed it by the nape of the neck. It was growling at me and bearing its teeth, but I wasn’t afraid. I started to the door to take it outside, but my mother, a faithful prayer warrior and my biggest supporter, handed me a tong-looking apparatus and told me to hold the rat with it. I was holding that rat with those tongs so tightly that it popped. It was a mess, as you can imagine. But I killed the rat.
I hadn’t put things together yet. But God had wrought that long-awaited miracle in my life. I had been eating lower carb foods for a few weeks and that always helps curtail sugar binges. But vacation was coming up and I was planning to have pancakes at my favorite Gatlinburg pancake place, and I was already asking God to help me not go crazy on the carbs like I normally would do every time I ate a bit of sugar. (Sugar addiction is real, and it is so difficult to overcome the pull of it once you begin eating it. It is a vicious cycle of trying to “detox” and giving in yet again.)
In Gatlinburg, I ate the pancakes with some of the best maple syrup, and there were no sugar cravings afterward. The rest of the vacation was sugar-uneventful, I wasn’t even tempted to buy fudge from The Fudge Shoppe of the Smokies, the best fudge ever! The following weekend, I went out of town for a family reunion, and I had dessert both nights. No after-binge. Thanksgiving came and went, with dessert…and no binges. I had eaten sugar several times, but had not been on a binge since late September. By December, I’d lost 14 pounds. Christmas was a bit harder, but by that time, I realized I was fighting a life time of bad eating habits. I didn’t gain any weight, but I didn’t lose any. And I also didn’t binge. But I ate…way too much at times!
God doesn’t do anything half-way. He knew I don’t have a clue how to eat like a normal person. I’ve spent a lifetime not eating in any way “normal.” A few months ago, my place of employment offered a “Wellness Initiative” program to the first 50 people who signed up. It’s a program about getting healthy, learning how to eat, etc., complete with blood work up and biometrics. I knew nothing about the program, and the deadline to get involved was November. It is now January, and my good friend and co-worker, Ranee, asked me if I had signed up for the Initiative. I didn’t know what she was talking about, but I told her I would email the folks and see if I could still get in even though it was two months after the deadline. I shot them an email over and got an immediate reply. I was Number 50…got in by the hair of chinny-chin-chin.
And as if I needed any more confirmation that God is intricately and intimately involved in my life, Ranee and I teamed up for one of the challenges in the initiative and we needed a team name. We work in two different buildings, so we were emailing back and forth. I sent her an email with some silly names like Die Lard, No Weigh, Slim Pickens, and Net Loss, and ended the list with “My favorite is ‘More Than Conquerors.’” Moments after I sent my list, I got her email (before she had a chance to look at mine) and the first name on her list? More Than Conquerors.
This brings me to this blog…where along with my other personal opinions and headnoise, I will be sharing my walk learning to not make my life about the weight, but learn to seek Him first, always, in everything.
Now, when I read the promise, I see something I didn’t see before:
Write freedom! Freedom for My children who live pitiful lives in chains, freedom for the seekers, freedom for the lost. These things I will give to you: a new heart, new dancing feet, clear eyes, and freedom, freedom, freedom, freedom!”
“Freedom for the seekers.”
Not the seekers of freedom from the chains, but the seekers of Him.
The rest just comes with it.