Ready? Okay, Focus!

I suppose that for most of my life my focus has been on food and the number on the scale.  My love/hate relationship with food consumed my thoughts.  It was an obsession…a true addiction.  Diet after diet failure; planning a diet, trying a diet, breaking a diet, failing at a diet.  Repeat.  Again and again and again.  My attention was on my failures, which kept me on a circular road always going in the same way, never arriving anywhere.

That lifestyle takes a toll on one’s self esteem.  It’s hard to live a happy, successful life when your confidence is so low it hangs around your ankles where you trip on it when you try to take a step in the right direction.  And it is impossible to be a light for Christ when you live in defeat. 

Lily, Killen, Alabama

One day I realized I was just weary.  I had counted enough calories and carbs to feed a third world country.  I really needed freedom…mentally and physically…and I needed it desperately.   I began praying earnestly for deliverance from my life-long battle with food preoccupation.

Lilies, Killen, Alabama

A few years ago, I wrote a post about changing my focus.  As a Christian, I knew my focus needed to be on Christ and not myself, which is true, but we do have to pay attention to what we are doing, as well.   While I was on the right track with the plan of changing my focus, I didn’t really know how to get off the circular road.   I tried to keep my thoughts centered on scripture and prayer, but my behavior was pretty much the same:  At the end of the day, I wanted to lose weight.  The way I was going about it was basically another diet based on controlling my thoughts, but that didn’t change my heart.  My heart was lusting after both ends of the diet spectrum:  Eating and losing weight. 

I kept praying for freedom, begging God to deliver me.  I wasn’t sure what freedom looked like, but I sure knew I was in a prison located in a deep, dark pit.   When I found success in a new eating plan, I might begin to emerge from the pit.  But when success is based on the number on a scale, it is fleeting, and it is not freedom.   It’s just a number, and numbers cannot change lives.   No matter how it is candy coated, if my ultimate goal is weight loss, I will eventually find myself licking the sugar coating off to find only a bigger number on the scale.

If, however, my ultimate goal is a relationship with my savior, I will begin to see light…beautiful, beckoning, wonderful light.  True freedom.   

I had repented of my gluttony so many times before, but it was a repentance based on regret about yet another binge and a strong desire to lose weight, not really about a heart change.  I had no clue how to let go of my gluttony.   

Late last September, I ate my last package of cookies.  While I was eating those cookies…I may have single-handedly kept Nabisco’s profits in the black…I didn’t realize that would be my last cookie binge.  God was doing a work in my life that was getting me off the circular road and on to my true destination:  Relationship.   But that road didn’t begin last Fall, that’s just when I realized where the off ramp was located. 

Getting to that point was quite a journey.  Have I arrived?  Oh, no!  I pray this journey toward deeper relationship with Jesus continues until the day I die, and I hope that I learn to be a light in this dark world, bringing hope and encouragement in the name of the Lord to people who live in the pit.  People who have a lifestyle change are successful…but are they truly free? I want both.

This post is almost 700 words, and I haven’t even touched on changing our focus.   But I believe the intro is important.   To understand where I’m going, you have to know where I’ve been. 

Here’s a sneak peek: 
It is not about the weight. 
Step away from the scale!   
Scary thought, isn’t it?

Stay tuned.  More to come.

Categories: Confessions, Freedom, Health and Weight Loss

Tags: , , ,

2 replies

  1. I think God will use you the way you want to be used if you keep surrendering yourself to him and continue to seek the freedom you are looking for. Perhaps your journey has been a longer one than you would have wanted it to be, but it was exactly what God needed of you for you to be able to help others. I’m excited to read more.



  2. I love the way you write.


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