Now Tell Me Why Again…

Sometimes while telling my story, even in the anonymity of the world wide web, I’m afraid to tell the whole truth because I believe people may like me less.   I don’t know why I’m that way.   Maybe it’s just pride that keeps me from getting too personal.  Therefore, I use the backspace key a lot.

I don’t want to be the blogger that raises the eyebrows of my gentle readers as they think, “Why is she telling us this?”  That’s one reason I don’t talk so much about:

  • Feeling ignored by God after the many prayers I’ve prayed that go unanswered.
  • The shame I feel when well-meaning people tell me “All you have to do to lose weight is…” knowing I’ve tried that and failed. Many times.
  • Feeling alone because no one understands my weakness. They can love me anyway, but they can’t understand, which leaves me very lonely in the fight.
  • Being so far in the pit that it has become my dwelling place.

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When bad things happen, my first response is not “Why me?”  I may get around to asking, “Why does this keep happening to me?” with the intention of finding the answer to situations that repeat themselves…like my own repeated bad choices.  I am reminded of a parable of sorts from years ago:

I went down a road and fell in a hole.
The next day, I went down the same road and fell in a hole.
The next day, I went down that road, came to a hole, 
walked around it and fell in another hole.
Today, I’m taking a different road.

I get pretty far down the different road (once 90 pounds worth of “down the road”) but then I turned around and started back toward the holey road, as I’d done many times before, finding all the lost pounds as I traveled back.

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I know what draws me:  Sugar.
It makes me feel the need to feed continuously.
And I give in again and again.
And again.  With my eyes mouth wide open.

Obedience.
We really need to talk about obedience, but I’m out of time for today.

Siggy 3

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3 thoughts on “Now Tell Me Why Again…

  1. I like your analogies and the idea of falling down the holes, so many of us do that-we do need to take a different road, but the other road is so safe and familiar to us.
    Thank you for following my blog.
    Blessings~

    Like

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